Moms are vicitims of child support rip-offs, too!
The DissoMaster Child Support Calculator used in California has put me in a situation where I am probably evnetually going to lose my home in order to pay $400 a month to the father of my 17-1/2 year old daughter. I raised her alone for 10 years, from the age of 6 to 16, with barely a dime from him ($72 a month for about 2 years), and when she got mad at me and decided to move in with her father six months ago, he immediately went after me for child support.
He is more lenient with her than I am, lets her stay out until all hours with her friends, lies so that she can skip school, and allows drinking in the home. (As an aside, this man beat me for all seven years of our marriage and went to jail three times for domestic violence.) Now, the judge tells me because she is 17 she has "custody of herself" and does not have to see me if she doesn't want to.
Enter DissoMaster, this computer program which supposedly takes the incomes of both of the parents into consideration in calculating child support. Well, I make only $1750 a month (about $300 a month less than he does), and she makes $800 a month working at a grocery store, which goes to their household income. Because she refuses to see me, the Dissomaster assigned me the maximum child support, as though I were a deadbeat dad who had abandoned my child.
This hurts terribly because not seeing my dear daughter is breaking my heart, and I am so worried about what her dad is doing to her. When we went before the judge, however, he said that the "relative wealth of the parties involved" has nothing to do with the DissoMaster calculation and that it is based on the "minimum needs of the child in the absence of one of the parents." DID I ASK TO BE AN ABSENT PARENT? I told the judge that, with $400 a month in child support and nearly $1,000 for my mortgage, I would be forced to choose between the child support and items like food and gas.
His response was that I could sell my house and use the money to pay child support to this man who abandoned us completely for three years while he drank beer in a trailer behind his parents' house. This Yolo County, California judge said that my daughter could be driving a Hummer and vacationing in the Carribean twice a year for all he cared, and I would still have to pay $400 for her support. My solution thus far has been to take a second job, so that, at 52 years old, I am now working 70 hours a week to be able to afford to pay this man who never gave me anything but grief and pain for the past 19 years. I am exhausted and worn out.
I would like to know how this Dissomaster System came up with 25% of my income to a child who is nearly emancipated. Why aren't things like 1) the child's age, 2) the child's decisionmaking power in deciding whether to see the parent, and 3) the proportion of the parent's income if that parent is already low income&taken into the consideration?
This is just like it used to be in the old days when it was Dads who were unfairly taken advantage of in a divorce. I'm sure my ex is really gloating over this, and I know exactly how resentful those fathers felt, who couldn't see their children years ago when all the advantages went to the mothers. I never got to take advantage of anybody because I was too nice a person and always took primary responsibility for the support of my children (I also have a 21 year old) because I knew I was dealing with a complete asshole. I wanted the kids to have a "normal" life and not waste my time fighting with their dad. Well, look where it got me.
Where is the human element in this DissoMaster Calculator?
Beth in Calfornia, single mother of a 17 and 21 year old daughters
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