Please read and note details of Email below before proceeding.
From: Delta Messenger
To: *@*.*
Sent: Sunday, April 20 2:56 PM
Subject: Last Minute Information About Your Trip
"Dear *,
We are sending you this email because we have just been advised of a time change and it affects your trip on April 20. We'll look in your reservation for a telephone number and try to reach you there too. We have included all of your flights for Sunday, April 20, and highlighted the changes. Please accept our apologies for any inconvenience this may cause.
Your flight information is listed below:
Delta confirmation # *
Sunday, April 20 Flight: Delta 672
Departs: 1:15 pm from Miami, Florida
Arrives: 3:26 pm at Atlanta, Georgia
Seats: 24C
Gate: H11
We apologize for the inconvenience. We realize you have a choice in airlines and we're working hard to ensure that Delta meets all your travel needs.
You can view your entire itinerary anytime by going to Itineraries.
You can check-in online or at one of our self-service kiosks. If you already have your boarding pass, just scan the bar code at one of our boarding scanners or kiosks to receive your updated travel document.
If you have questions, you can reach us by dialing 800-940-4955 for domestic travel,
800-241-4141 for international travel or your local Delta Reservations number.
Thank you for choosing Delta."
Thank you for your Email informing me of changes to a flight. Please note the time you sent your Email and the departure time listed on the schedule. Please inform me as to the point of this exercise. Are you saying that passengers should have their Laptops online at all times in order to fly Delta?
Thank you also for the opportunity to give you my experience of these flights and my opinion of your airline
Having flown for the last time on Delta please be so good as to check for me if my itinerary with you is a World Record or simply confirms Delta's record as the Worst Airline in the World. I will be checking with other Airlines in order to see if they dispute your claim, and of course, I will also check with the Guinness Book of World Records.
Facts.
Sunday 20 April. 8.15am Miami time.
Party arrives at Miami Airport for journey with Delta Airlines via Atlanta Airport to Dublin Airport.
Monday 21 April 9.45am. Miami time.
Party exits Dublin Airport.
Total time of journey 25hrs 30mns.
A new world record?
The Guinness Book of Records and the other Airlines may complain that this grand total time taken should be reduced in order to take into account the fact that the flight was routed through Atlanta Airport, the chosen hub of Delta and the acknowledged World Record Queuing Centre. I do not accept this complaint. Atlanta must be congratulated on its new queue/delay procedure which cemented its reputation by the introduction of a new and clever delay/queue procedure. The new exciting procedure is that Passengers who make the mistake of purchasing duty free are not now allowed to take their purchases and must collect them before departure (place of collection unidentified).
Tired, weary, delayed and frustrated passengers who finally arrive at the entrance to the gantry and the Nirvana of the Airplane (some people can be very intolerant, do they not know that a World Record and reputation is a stake?) are now greeted, when at last on the gantry, by a gentleman enquiring "Deewe Fee? Deewe Fee?". There being many languages in daily use in the Southern USA and indeed many more Worldwide which I do not speak as yet, I attempt no translation but instead survey the gantry. I perceive a very long queue on the right hand side and at the head of the queue a gentleman in a black suit standing in front of a mountain of yellow plastic bags with dockets attached. The DUTY FREE! On the left side of the gantry people (well. One person actually) are proceeding rapidly to the Nirvana of the Airplane. I can now translate "Dewee Fee" and am intent on claiming mastery of this new language.
I arrive, in the fullness of time, into the presence of the gentleman in the black suit (gintbs) and hand him my Dewee Fee receipt which has all the relevant information gleaned from my scanned boarding pass and a barcode in the Dewee Fee shop. A search follows and gintbs hands me a bag gintbs Here is your Dewee Fee me May I check it? Gintbs Of course me This is not my Dewee Fee (demonstrating clear mastery of the new language in order to intimidate) gintbs Yes it is sir me No it is not sir gintbs Yes it is! Sir me NO IT IS NOT SIR
Three further bags are produced and refused following three searches of the yellow mountain and the above procedure followed faithfully, finally gintbs What is your seat number sir? Me My seat number SIR is as displayed on my docket which you hold in your right hand!
The document is studied with care and a lengthy search of the yellow mountain follows, a yellow bags is dumped on the table gintbs THIS IS YOUR DEWEE FEE SIR!
Me MAY I CHECK IT SIR? Gintbs OF COURSE SIR me THIS IS NOT MY DEWEE FEE SIR! (I am quite accomplished at handling hysteria having flown Delta many times before) gintbs YES IT IS! Me no it is not! Take a further two yes and no for granted A voice comes from offstage
THAT IS MY DEWEE FEE. (it turns out to be my nephew whom I know to be very intelligent, taking after me as he does, and clearly already fluent in this new language)
The Dewee Fee is not given to this self-seeking claimant (he has not proven his bona fides nor gone through the requisite procedure and is clearly not enjoying, as Atlanta expected he should, this further queue) and his Dewee Fee is returned to the mountain. A further long search is undertaken and a yellow bag is dumped on the table gintbs THIS IS YOUR DEWEE FEE SIR! Me may i check it sir? Gintbs yes you may sir! Me THIS IS MY DEWEE FEE SIR. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!!!
At last, nirvana. Is in sight.
Nirvana, of course, on Delta Airlines, needs explanation. One must accept items such as appalling food badly and infrequently presented and a crew well used to handling complaints who just do not care (I detected evidence that Delta has a highly skilled training methodology for complaint handling. Well done. Clearly and frequently needed. Nice to see at least some things handled well. You must at all times demonstrate that neither Delta nor its staff care)
On the screen at my seat I saw that a survey of passenger (clearly not customer) opinions on Delta was sought. At last, an opportunity to let off some steam! I completed and returned the survey. It was concerned with seats. Was the seat clean? How about the carpet? What did I think about the decor surrounding the seat? Was the toilet clean? Would the person at Delta with a fetish for seats and toilets please identify themselves to the Captain.
Being a Diabetic and in fear of a Diabetic Coma and being on a Delta flight I did not make the mistake of sleeping at any time.
Should any of you good people at Delta require a written affidavit from me in pursuit of your claim to be the Worlds Worst Airline I am prepared to swear on oath that the above recital is true and accurate. You should check for yourself. The Airplane that was coming from Atlanta to collect my group did have to return to Atlanta due to a mechanical fault. The Airplane coming from Dublin to Atlanta was 4 hours late leaving Dublin. You did decide to wait for this Airplane and then eventually decided to use another Airplane. It is true that this other Airplane could not be started and had to be taken somewhere to be started. My technical knowledge of Airplanes is of a sufficient standard to make me aware that it is not possible to push start a Boeing 747 and it must be brought some place where it can be started, thus causing a further delay. No problem! You are flying Delta! As we say in Italy its Normale!
Should you require my physical presence anywhere I am always available to give evidence on your behalf subject to the strict provision that I will never be required to set foot on a Delta Airplane or in Atlanta Airport.
Not being a smoker I was not greatly concerned about the fact that the Airport took care to lock and chain the smoking rooms 3 hours before departure of a long haul no smoking flight. On the other hand I do often ponder (pondering is one of my admitted weaknesses) the question of what could possibly be the cause of all this Air Rage we hear about? Do any of you good people at Delta ever have such a ponder, I wonder? Pondering, I know, is not to everyone's taste.
Finally, I was serious when I suggested to one of your attendants that Delta should send some of its staff to visit some of our little Airlines here in Ireland, Aer Arran, Aer Lingus or little Ryan Air, and see how an Airline is run. If I can be of any further assistance in this way I am always available to help.
You are correct. We do have a choice of Airlines.
Always helpful
*
Expassenger and never customer
Post Scriptum.
Delta must be congratulated on its wonderful and successful delay procedure for boarding. Passengers book seats on the Web and zones are then assigned by Delta. A gantry is used to board the Airplane, thus ensuring a single point of entry. Zones at the front of the Airplane are loaded first thus ensuring that the ingress of passengers following is impeded until the first passengers have stored luggage and are seated. Other Airlines seeking the World Delay Record please copy. I believe there is no patent on this procedure. There is an added bonus to this procedure.
If passengers book seats on the Web on a 747 and the Airplane type is changed the seatings become nonsense. All in the interest of passenger amusement.
Pete
Dublin
Ireland
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