Howard Eisemann of Able Investigations is the place to go if you're a masochist and love being taken advantage of. They need a lot of money over there and would love to have yours.
I paid Able Investigations a 2,500.00 retainer ($175.00 per hr) to perform a forensic asset investigation and gave Mr. Eisemann a 10 inch thick file of documents pertaining to the investigation. He wanted $4,500 but agreed to the "reduced fee" because that was all I had. What a sweetheart, full of compassion, that one.
Several months later, he informs me that he needs another $2,000 payment to complete the investigation and explains that his work is done in 3 stages; raw data, verification process, tracking. The 2,500.00 I paid him only covers the "raw data" stage, which, he says, is useless by itself since it is just pages and pages of unverified account numbers and names. He has to pay a lot of people to investigate the raw data and the searches are expensive he explains. He's already spent 17-18 hours on it he tells me.
I didn't have $2,000 but thought I might be able to borrow the money from a relative, if he could at least assure me that there was good reason to invest more money. To which he responds that he has "confirmed" the existence of "8-9 different accounts" including "Merrill Lynch, D.F. Hutton, equity fund and money market accounts", and that the business in question is "involved in a trust" of which there is "no distribution"... Which is odd, he says, he can't figure out why there is no distribution - "money goes in but doesn't come out" he explains. (huh?) He'll have to look at that closer he says.
Ok I'm a hopeful type and trusted him. I couldn't believe he would rip off a recent widow and the "I've confirmed 8-9 different accounts" thing impressed me. So I inquired a bit further and was told "the money's here, no doubt about it", but, he will need the $2,000 in full in order to produce a viable finished result that can be used by an attorney. Don't worry he says, it's 75% done and he'll keep working on it, because he "trusts" me to pay him.
I call him a few weeks later and ask him if I can take what he's already "confirmed' to an attorney's office "as is", and he launches into a lengthy explanation about how an attorney doesn't care about where the money WAS; they have to know where it is NOW, so that they can attach it, thereby being sure to collect their contingency fee. Therefore it wouldn't do me any good to take it to an attorney "as is."
He assures me that he'll personally refer me to 3 different attorneys when he's done and I can simply have a phone interview with each of them; I won't have to come back to Los Angeles for any court proceedings either; the attorney will simply file a "Summary Judgement" and I won't even need to be there. I can go ahead and move out of state he says, no problem, no worries, it's such a forthright case. (I moved to Northern california instead)
Two more months go by and I am unable to come up with $2,000 to pay him.
My Niece, a senior year law student at UC Davis (yes we're proud of her) inspects my retainer agreement and asks: "Have you received any invoices from him indicating services performed or expenses incurred?" (N0)..."Has he given you a preliminary investigative report which indicates the need for further investigation?" (N0).."Has he given you anything remotely similar to what is described on the "Able Forensics Investigations" website as what to expect in an "Able Forensics Asset Investigation?" (N0)
Ok now I'm starting to worry so I call him to request an invoice which includes the "balance due" of $2,000, and ask him to please return my original documents with it - No problem, he says, he'll have it in the mail to me that afternoon. A week later, still no invoice and no returned documents. I email him every week for 6 weeks and he keeps telling me it'll be in the mail soon; Tomorrow, Friday, next week, etc.
Last night, Sunday evening about 9:00 pm, I finally receive a pdf file from Howard Eisemann at "Able Forensic Investigations" which proves to be an impoverished pathetic excuse entitled "Preliminary Investigative Report." There are many misspelled words including my husband's name and his date of death is consistently inaccurate. (does this man drink?) No mention of any of the accounts he "confirmed" and no mention of the business ownership at all.in essence, says he couldn't find anything and since I did not "replenish the retainer" that was as far as he got. (nowhere)
No sign of my original documents yet, but he assures me he will "Fed-Ex" them to me tomorrow along with the paper version of the pdf file and needs my physical address since Fed-Ex can't deliver to my P.O. Box.
(Like I need a worthless piece of paper written by an idiot in a big damn hurry... Oh ya, be sure and "Fed-Ex" it to me speedily so I can "replenish" my scrap paper pile!!!
Can't wait!)
Anyone want to randomly speculate on whether any of my original documents will be returned? - How about the certified real estate document with the person's name, address, and investor # on it - the same person BTY, who, as stated in the hastily improvised "Preliminary Investigative Report", owns NO real property? Think that one will be coming back?
Another Los Angeles land shark Lesson: vulnerability is just like the smell of blood to these vultures.
Anyway. I vote that this worthless unethical company re-name themselves:
"unable investigations."
Don't go there unless you feel the urge to bend over.
Yours truly,
Jessica
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