Sept 25th I just finished dropping off my son at the Airport this morning - he is 15 years old and taking it very hard. As we say goodbye I hug him tight and kiss his cheek - I tell him how much I love him and that we will all be allright. He says, Mom I am leaving all my stuff - so I can come back okay.
I feel that my life has been turned upside down and I am not even sure how this could happen.
My nightmare started when my 15 year old son-left the house over the weekend. He had a habit of doing this - despite me constantly reminding him that he could not go out on weekends and stay out until 2 or 3 in the morning. On 3 occassions I had to go to the police to report him missing - although I knew he was with friends in our neighborhood. My son usually came home the next day - what he wanted was to go out with his friends and I didn't permit it so he started staying out all night to avoid me and the reprimand he usually got.
On this occassion that began the 51-A, my son had left the house on Friday - we were leaving on a trip and he decided he did not want to go so, he never came home. Saturday morning, I called his friends but of course - no one knew where he was. I left him a note - call me when you get back.
On Saturday - my 18 year old son called me to tell me Daniel was home with his friends. We came back from our trip on Sunday morning - Daniel was home. I did what any responsible parent would do - I told him that he was not old enough to decide wether he goes or stays - I told him that he knew we were taking this trip and he has to obey our house rules whether he like it or not.
He was very upset, stating "I didn't want to go okay" I told him to get off the couch and go clean his room - which was a mess. As my husband and I were unpacking we heard the door close - my husband told me that Daniel had just left-again.
I was very upset now - I was thinking how this kid just doesn't care what we have to say and does not care at all about the consequences. Needless to say, he did not come home that night or the next or the next. I called every friend I knew of - but I wasn't expecting them to say yeah, he's hanging out at so and so's house - I mean teens stick together. On Tuesday, I called the school and they told me that my son was in school - so I felt good knowing he was in school and probably hanging out at his friends again. Obviously, I wanted him home but I wasn't sure exactly how to get him home. I really thought he would be home - like he did so many other times but he decided he not to.
I called the school on Thursday - he had been gone for 4 days, I asked to speak to the counselor and I explained the situation. I told him that I wanted Daniel home but wasn't sure where he was staying. The counselor explained that he would "check" on Daniel and get back to me. A few hours later he left me a message at work - stating Daniel is fine - he is in school - I referred him to the guidance counselor so I don't know where he is staying but I will get back to you. I called back 3 times that day - no answer.
Monday morning I still hadn't heard from Daniel but my older son had seen him playing basketball over the weekend and told me he was with his friends. Monday I went to the school and asked to speak to the guidance counselor. It turns out the Guidance counselor knew nothing about my son - I wasn't sure who - Daniel had spoken with since that was what I was told Thursday before. The GC was very nice and willing to speak with Daniel on my behalf - he left me a message the same day telling me that Daniel left early and never got to speak to him. It turns out my eldest son saw Daniel that morning and he must have decided not to go to school. On Tuesday, I got a phone call from the Dept of Child Protective Services or DSS. The lady was very short with me - said that my child had filed a report of neglect on me and that she needed to come to my house today at 3pm. I was at work and it was already 1pm - I explained this but she insisted this must be done today. I told my boss I had to leave and I went home to wait for her. The DSS worker came at 3pm - told me my son had filed a report against me - she asked me 10 questions about who lived in the house, my age, where I work, then asked me about the last time I saw Daniel. I explained everything - she told me that I was neglegent because I didn;t report him to the police. I explained that the last time I went the officer never bothered to ask my sons name - and pretty much told me that if he isn't breaking the law the there is nothing they can do - I felt like they were bothered by me.
She didn't care - she told me I have to report him missing everytime. That night I reported him to the police - and once again the office couldin't even find the proper form so he took a pamphlet and wrote on the back. He asked Daniel's name etc I asked if he wanted a photo and said - sure why not. I left there again - feeling like they were bothered - My son already had a CHINS - for not attending school so I called probation and they placed an warrant on him. It was very easy to find my son - since he was at school so they found him the next day (in school). I went to the courthouse and he was fully shackled both hands and feet (like a criminal) I was very emotional - upset to see him like this and also happy to see him again. He smiled at me and told me "sorry mom" DSS had asked to have him removed from the home and into DSS custody. Thankfully the Judge did not comply and he was released to me that day. I was told he had to return the following week.
DSS was putting pressure on the Probation Officer because up until then - he pretty much did nothing for my son - no classes - in fact he hadn't seen my son in 4 weeks. Probation was not happy about this - he contacted me and demanded I bring Daniel to his office. This was the first time in weeks he actually tried to assist us any anyway. He metioned that "DSS is on my back" they say I haven't been enforcing the CHINS - which is true.
Unfortunately for us, Probation wanted out of this situation and they recommended that my son either 1) Go to a group home in DSS custody or 2) Go back to Colorado with his biological father 2,000 miles away.
That's it& that's the choices we had. I was devastated and Daniel was obviously very nervous about what might happen. He begged me to let him go back with his father - rather than go with strangers - and we (the family) all agreed.
This was on Thursday - and I was told to get him a ticket by Monday-no regard for how emotionally hard this was and no one from DSS even cared to ask if this was enough time to get his belongings together.in fact when Daniel left - he left everything except his clothes and most of his shoes. He said " I'll come back, mom" sorry I got you in trouble.
My problem isn't that he is with his father - No, this kid had some issues that he needs to deal with but moving him out of his home doesn't solve the problem. He won't be a completely different person when he walks off the airplane - that's what upsets me most - DSS and Probation took the easiest way out for them - with no regard for the child or our family.
I can tell you this, my sons lawyer kept telling me during the court hearing that often times - DSS will do these things to get there numbers up she kept saying the "punishment" doesn't fit the crime so DSS is obviously got another agenda. If anyone has gone through this - I feel for you. All this can happen and you are helpless. Besides having your child removed - they will put you on a registry that says " You are a Neglegent Parent" it could prevent you from getting a job and will be a "bad mark" on you for many other things. If you have money for a lawyer - Get One! Most of us work two jobs and still make it paycheck to paycheck so getting our own lawyer was impossible. The appointed lawyer was sympathetic but let's face it - she didn't know my son from the other 500 cases she had.
Masschaos
Everett, Massachusetts
U.S.A.
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