Hi, I have read all the posts here on PSI and I would like to add what happened to me. I had a friend, a very good friend, recommend PSI to me about three years ago. I attended the basic class and immediately felt invigorated. I noticed a change in my attitude towards my husband and family. Looking back on it I was a bitch. Nothing was good enough and I wanted more from my relationships then was reasonable. I tried to get my husband to sign up for the basic on the third day of class. He refused after he asked me to describe what they do there; I told him that he would have to experience it for himself, which I see is a common statement in most of these posts. I was angry at him for not wanting to support me in my need to have him attend. Later I came to understand why. The facilitor told all of us that PSI is a tool to a happier life and everyone in your life will not understand what you have gone through until they attend also. I remember the slogan resistance is persistence. If the people who love you don't attend the seminars they are holding you back, so you need to leave them behind.
At the end of the basic I signed up for PSI 7 at a cost of $3000.00 dollars. I took the money from our joint account. My husband was obviously upset with this but I didn't care. I felt this change/experience was worth the cost and the grief it cost me with him. He put his foot down and said enough is enough.
I went to the ranch and participated in the pole, the wall, the ledge, the barn dance and wore the clothing that was selected by my PSI buddy. Clothing that I felt uncomfortable wearing in even a private setting. I looked into the eyes of several men, strangers to me up to then, and felt like they actually wanted to have a relationship with me, beyond the physical. I felt they had seen the real person underneath. I came home gushing like I had the time of my life. My husband was angry as I left without a word of warning to him or my family. He had even called the police to report me missing. I even signed up for the Leadership Seminar for $3600.00 dollars and charged it to my credit card. My husband blew up at me, asking me if I had lost my mind.
I told him upon my return that if he loved me he would find the time and money to attend the training. I told him that it would save our marriage. Looking back on it our marriage was on its fifth year and we were both happy. We were both looking forward to our lives together and starting a family. And more importantly he was my best friend. He suggested marriage counseling and we set up an appointment.
After speaking to the therapist I felt like she was ganging up on me so I refused to go back. Three weeks after returning from PSI7 I left my husband and filed for divorce. I gave up the man I had married, the one who protected me from harm. The man who told me he loved me more than anyone in his life. I gave up my husband, my best friend, for my own self interests when I should have known better.
I was out on my own and loving the attention I got from my PSI brothers and sisters. The support for my move, or shift, was almost overwhelming. I felt that the people in my group were the only ones who could understand; they were the only ones who would love and support me; my husband and family were strangers to me now even though I had their love and support for my entire life. I would communicate with my PSI group on a yahoo group site, but the communication was short lived as they started having their own problems. The group stopped talking and the messages died out after a few short months.in the meantime I quit my job and started looking for something better.
While waiting for the divorce to go through I stayed with my best friend, but the relationship was strained as my husband and her husband were also friends. Her husband started watching me and would inform his wife that under no circumstance would she be going to PSI. I tried to get her to go to PSI. I tried so hard to convince her that this was the right decision for me but she continued to tell me that I should tried to work things out with my husband. I saw this as being unsupportive, moved out and dropped that friendship. We were friends for 10 years. I had learned one thing from PSI and that was not to do what people expected me to do. I moved in with my mom and this was more than she could take. She asked me to leave after two months. I was staffing the basic and playing PLD and trying to get others to enroll for the basic. I failed to see that I was on a course of self destruction and I was still looking for a job.
In the meantime the divorce was finalized, the house was sold and after taking a loss on the property I moved into an apartment until I could save some money. I bought a house a few months after the divorce. I bought the house for more then I could effort and I didn't care. I also bought a new car and later had that repossessed because I couldn't afford both the car and the house. I felt that this was my reality and everything would be alright.
After a time I decided that I needed to find another man in my life. I see references to that number 10 relationship. This was what I was looking for. I attempted liaisons with several men and could not find one that could understand why I had this attitude towards life. I wanted more and I wanted it immediately, but the world was not cooperating with my reality. I turned to an internet dating service and started looking for the perfect relationship and after meeting a few men I found the one I was looking for. He wined and dined me, told me that I was perfect for him. I thought I had found that number 10 relationship. I took this relationship for what I thought it was, LOVE. I was so involved with the relationship with this man that I decided immediately to move in with him when he asked me. We had only dated three months. I sold my house and moved in with him. The little money I had earned from the sale went into a joint account and he spent it on one of his new toys. I failed to pay attention that this man, my number 10 relationship, had just divorced his second wife a few short months before I met him on the internet. He had four small kids from his first marriage and I became a baby sitter when he wanted to go out with the boys on weekends and drink half his salary.
It was about 2 years after PSI7 he asked me to marry him. We were married and a few weeks afterward he quit his job and had me put him and his four kids on my health insurance. He stayed at home and would expect me to wait on him and his kids hand and foot when I got home from work. It was a few short months later when realizations started to hit home. I was asking myself what the hell I was doing with this man and his kids. He was treating me like I was nothing more than a maid. This was my number 10 relationship?
I realize now that I am the failure. Not as a PSI graduate, but as a human being and as a woman and a wife. I was duped into believing that PSI was the answer to everything wrong in my life. I threw away my first husband, a man I loved for a relationship with 78 strangers. People who said they loved me, not because of who I was, but because of what they had made us. The relationship with these people did not last. My first husband suffered the most as he tried several times to get me to see reason after I left. I threw away my friends as they refused to see my point of view when in actuality I should have seen theirs. My point of view was more important. My family disowned me after my outbursts towards them when they refused to listen to my new found views on life.
It is now too late to go back and fix the wrongs I did, and I have tried. My ex-husband refuses to talk or even see me, and I can't really blame him. I left him without any explanation. I didn't even shed a tear over the loss of our marriage, he once said I ripped the heart from his chest and didn't even think enough on our relationship to take the time to smash it. And he was right, that is exactly what I did.
Now I am in a broken marriage to another fool who takes me for granted, treats me like I am his slave, and I have no where to go, no one to turn to, and this is what I wanted in life? Even the friend who introduced me to PSI dumped her marriage and is pretty much in the same boat I'm in. And I hate her for getting me involved in this.
I was a stupid, arrogant, self centered fool. I agree, PSI does give you the tools, the tools to destroy your life. It destroyed my life with a good man and earned me the likes of the Al Bundy personality I'm with now. I am ashamed of what I did. I am ashamed of what I have become and I would not recommend PSI for anyone.
Sorry for the long post.
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