James Killinger is my neighbor in Clare, MI. He has about 6 dogs outside that sometimes will howl because of not being fed. Si, from time to time I've gone over while he was fondling himself out by the road waving at cars, and fed his dogs for him.
He claims to be a man of God, but won't lift a finger when I ask for a neighborly favor. Actually, he WILL lift a finger, but you can guess which one it is. He's always urinating out by his mailbox in broad daylight, waving at cars. I guess it was funny until one time he got stung on his love muscle by a meanidering wasp. He's allergic to wasps and other bees, So guess who's door he came running to. Mine.
I felt like calling my friend Jared, just to laugh at the poor dirty bastard, but my kind heart made me take him in to the ready-med. The whole time he kept remarking how the thing must be twice his usual 5 1/2 inches. I couldn't help but laugh. 5 1/2 inches. Poor guy.
That was just one instance. His cat, Baylee, is always getting blamed for my mail ending up strewn across my yard. I don't know how Baylee is ever responsible for everything he claims she does, but he claims it nonetheless. One day I'd like to catch Baylee doing these dirty deeds, but she is just a little animal you know.
He'll tell me if I ever need a tool of some sort, to just borrow it from his garage, he always keeps it unlocked. Well, I usually shy away from such offers of his, but one day I needed smething to rake my yard with, so I came searching. Aside from the 20 images of pornography this 'man of God' has on his garage walls, he also had a rake. A newer rake, which I borrowed, only to get a lecture 2 days later that Jennifer drove by and saw me using what appeared to be his rake. He said no more borrowing. First of all, who is "jennifer', why is she so concerned with a RAKE, and how could someone possibly tell by driving by that I'm using his rake? These questions may never be answered.
I got almost yelled at one day when I got home from getting 35's (big tires) on my truck. He went up one side and down the other about 35's being senseless and too big, that he never had anything bigger than 33's. Like he could afford a truck, let alone 33's. What's it any concern of his anyway?
Well, some time ago he used to be in the same line of work as me. Not the same TRADE, just the same line. Anyhow, he'd always, when he seen me out in my yard, walk over and act all tired and sore. Oh, and the sunburns. Let's not forget abou the sunburns. "you work inside" he'd tell me.'I wish I had it easy like you'. Not a trauma by any means, just a little irritating given all the other instances.
Frickin Baylee, I found her little tracks all through my new 'lawn'. I recently planted grass seed, and it's just now sprouting, barely, and here's little Baylee tracks all over and around and through. I'm gonna shoot Baylee, I swear. She's such a crank.
Don't laugh at my troubles, because you're sure to have a neighbor like James someday, if you don't already. If you do, don't call the cops when he pees out at the road, at least don't let him find out it was you. I'm a fan of vernors, the soda. One morning I got in my truck to go to work, grabbed yesterday's 20 oz Vernors out of my cupholder... The rest is up to you. Dirty bastard. He thinks it's just a game, but his day's coming...
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