Brandefined called to tell me my cabin company had been selected to be the focus of a Facebook affiliated campaign/marketing push in Georgia.
"How much? " (I cut right to the chase; nothing is free.)
"That's an excellent question, because we are one of the few companies that tailors to YOUR budget, providing ONLY what you can afford."
She then launches into a filibuster about how they work WITH Facebook, had to go through all of these strategies to get certified, blah blah blah yawn. She told me how Facebook records everything you do, keywords in your private messages, etc. and I said, "Well, that is a little bit frightening..."
"Oh, it's only for advertising purposes. Do you know what I mean? " (Doubtful they do that, doubtful it's only for that purpose if they do.)
I asked how it was different than me doing a marketing campaign to a targeted audience (should I hire them).
"Oh well, we have access to 75, 000 strategic insights per person. Do you know what I mean? "
"No. I do not."
"Oh, well you have access to 100. We, because we're certified, have access to so many more. Do you know what I mean? "
"Nope. I still don't."
"Okay, well we know who has typed the word "Georgia" in a private message to their mom, so we can target that person. You don't have that ability." (Doubtful she has that ability either...)
"Oh, so in my campaign, you would seek out people who'd put the word Georgia in their private messages because your research shows that's a good fit for me? "
"Yes; you're located in Georgia. Do you know what I mean? "
"Okay, so anyone who types Georgia in their private messages is a good 'strategic insight' for my business, then? "
"Yes. Absolutely."
"Oh. That's interesting. Because, to my uneducated marketing mind, I wouldn't think that a private message that read, 'Mom... I went to Georgia for vacation with my friend and I was abducted and raped repeatedly. I HATE Georgia! ' would make for a good target audience. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??? "
(insert moment of stunned silence.)
"Oh. Well obviously we wouldn't target them."
"How would you know if you're only looking at Georgia? "
"Well, like I said, we have access to 75, 000 target insights, so you know, we could add additional ones, to, you know what I mean, prevent that."
"So how would that be set up then? And what is the follow through to booking rate from your campaigns? "
"Okay, well, my job is to get you an appointment with Chris or Mike because they have all the details. And what we do is set you up an appointment to talk with them and, just like when you book a cabin, you have to make a deposit to reserve it? Well you make a deposit so that you keep your appointment, and it is only $79.95, and that deposit is FULLY REFUNDABLE if you don't choose to execute a campaign, and if you do, it goes toward your design."
"Let me be sure I understand. You want to sell me something, and you're going to charge me $80 bucks for the privilege of listening to your sales pitch? "
"It's just like what you do, when you take a reservation for a cabin. Do you know what I mean? "
"No, I do not. I do not charge people who phone me with questions for the privilege of asking me questions."
"Oh, but your time is valuable, and so if someone called and took up 45 minutes of your time and you didn't get paid for it, that would make you mad right? "
"I'll let you know in 20 minutes..."
"What? "
"Never mind. I think I'm going to pass."
She launches into a new discussion/filibuster and I said, "Ma'am, do not filibuster me. I cannot fathom why you would presume that any intelligent adult/business person would pay to listen to a sales pitch."
"But it's REFUNDABLE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? "
I laughed and said, "there's a huge difference between 'refundable' and 'fighting to get it REFUNDED, ' and as you've aptly noted, my time is valuable."
"Oh, well you are the only person who has ever had a problem with this."
"Yes, it's a sad state of affairs, how gullible people are."
She ranted a bit and I interrupted with, "Yeah... This is why I'm going to pass. Do you know what I mean? "
"Well you are making A HUGE MISTAKE AND YOU WILL REGRET THIS. We could have really helped your company."
"Doubtful. Have a nice day."
Click.
Now, I know a thing or two about being scammed; I've been scammed twice in the early years, once for a VERY large sum of money. I learn from my mistakes.
Reputable sales people will not get angry, be obnoxious, etc. They'll move on. This woman's life/livelihood clearly depended on getting my credit card number. Be very, very wary out there.
And note to the scammers, please train your employees to be more articulate and composed on the phone, Do Ya Know What I MEAN???
Geesh. (It was kind of fun f*****g with her though.)
Slick website, but no meaningful content. No one answers the phone. Run, don't walk, in the opposite direction.
0 comments