We hired officiant Wright K. Hand to perform our informal wedding ceremony, never suspecting that somebody who seemed so "Wright" would turn out to be so "Wrong"...
To introduce him to our parents and "break the ice, " we invited him and his wife to Sunday brunch several weeks prior to the wedding. On the day of the brunch, their car broke down and they couldnt come. I felt bad for them, so I promised him and his wife a gift certificate so that they could enjoy a future Sunday brunch at the same restaurant.
A few days later, he called me at work and demanded his gift certificate so that he could take his wife out for their anniversary! I was too flabbergasted at this astounding breach of etiquette to say "Youre fired" to this boorish clod. But worse was yet to come...
During the ceremony, he replaced the vows we wrote with his generic ones. Furthermore, his performance was mediocre and mechanical, contrary to his previous boasts about how his speeches brought "tears to everyones eyes" and "standing ovations." He also hesitated and lost his place several times even though he probably read the same script wedding after wedding. (If only his performance had matched the enthusiasm and expertise he displayed when he stuffed his considerable face with free food, champagne, and wine during the reception...)
All three of us were still standing at the altar when I announced that everybody should look under their chairs to see if they won the centerpiece that was at their respective table. Like a rabid buffalo during the rut, he charged down from the altar to find out if he won (which he did, unfortunately), almost knocking my 72-year old mother over. Good thing she wasnt sitting in his chair at the time, or she wouldve ended up in Emergency.
But he wasn't finished yet. Thinking that nobody would notice, he then stole a decorative ornament from a centerpiece that somebody else won and added it to his! (I caught him and put it back.) Several minutes later, when my sister accidentally picked up his prize as we were leaving the room, he whined loudly to my husband and made a big deal of it. We may never know what other items were stolen by this petty thief.
This clown needs to re-read the Bible, especially the part about "Thou shalt not steal, " and he badly needs etiquette lessons. My nephew and niece behaved better than he, and they are preschoolers!
We are both surprised and dismayed that this shameless kleptomaniac is still in business. We're hoping that if enough people read this, he no longer will be.
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