Take ownership and make amends for your poorsocial practices, Anke, and people will not feel the need to walk out on you and later blog their negative experiences about you.
Anke, you may or may not care to read this.in fact, you may never even see this at all. That’s fine. Here it is anyway.
We crossed paths for the first time in 1993 in the U.S.A. We socialized. We shared a pleasant time. It was normal.
We crossed paths again in 1994 in Germany and that time around, things went very differently. We heated things up a little. It started out nicely. We mated like rabbits. You showed me around. You told me how you enjoyed making love with me. I had an open mind in getting to know a new person even though the sex could have been better.
You then laid some heavy stuff on me that was TMI (too much information) and which I did not deserve. You said you were having some weird feelings about sex because your mother’s brother had sexually molested you during childhood. You went on to tell me you were also still having feelings for your then boyfriend (which I knew nothing about before coming to you) and did not want to continue romping in the hay anymore with me.
Ok, I thought, we had a nice time and I’ll continue on my merry way to Denmark. I was gracious about it. After all, I felt uncomfortable around you after laying this stuff on me and I thought what a stupid way to behave when we hardly knew each other. You were basically admitting how dishonest you were with your cheating. I thought you were especially unwise because I sensed you liked me more than I liked you. I could not get out of there fast enough.
So the next day with my bags packed and ready to go, you start crying your eyes out hysterically in your bathroom. Your friend Maria happened to be at your flat with us in Düsseldorf and she told me what a big problem you were having with my departure and my non-chalant manner about it. I comforted you in the bathroom accordingly. You told me you were mad at me because it was obvious that I did not want to return after my trip to Denmark and how you had planned to throw a party for me, etc. I told you we already had a nice time and to not cry. I explained you would make me feel badly too. My intuition told me to leave. Your tears got the better of me. What a stellar drama queen performance you put on. It worked. So I stay a little longer before my departure to Denmark to try and make peace. We make love some more. Again you have another angry outburst at me. I leave for a week and when I return, you could not even look me in the eyes. What a warm, inviting welcome you gave me, a guest in your home! You decide to turn nasty on me, try to walk all over me. You accuse me of wanting something I clearly never asked for. What a great way to make a guest feel comfortable!
Shame on you!
What were you thinking? Perhaps you were not thinking at all. So I end up walking away from you, intensely disgusted, disappointed beyond my imagination. It is true that I was somewhat raw from my breakup with Madeleine months before, but this was only supposed to be a fun and simple time, like we shared in the States. I have no idea what your idea of fun became in Germany. Upon saying good bye and thanking you graciously for everything, you again start crying hysterically. Your tears weighed heavily on me. I knew I wasn’t the bad guy but I felt like it anyway. I graciously, gently, held, caressed and kissed you good bye while the Righteous Brother’s hit, ‘Unchained Melody’ played in the background. How pathetic we were! I then kissed you one last time then walked away without looking back.
The worst part of all this for me was how you did not have the decency to ever apologize for your behavior afterwards. A simple phone apology would have done the trick. I thought you might have better character than to not apologize. Even my friend Anita, who already knew you to have character issues, thought you would at least have the decency to call. How wrong we were. The facts reflected poorly on your judgment and your judgment impaired your ability to be of anybody worth keeping in touch with.
In life you can’t avoid offending people from time to time. When you don’t mean it, apologize. When you do mean it, accept the consequences, such as this posting - an English lesson worth digesting.
I wished I had met somebody else from Germany but that is like saying I wish it did not have to snow in April. Shit happens sometimes. That’s life. At least we gathered some life experience from crossing paths. Our short time together went from sweet to sour then later you definitely left a bad taste in my mouth. A strange dynamic developed between us in Germany, possibly partly due to communication differences.
In the final analysis, your Jekyll and Hyde personality did not get us anywhere. Your turning against me without provocation did not get us anywhere. These things sat badly with me. Did we have any nice moments at all together in Germany? Sure, but you tainted my memory of Düsseldorf and ruined whatever few good feelings there were between us. To say you simply took all the fun out of it is an understatement.
We can’t change what happened. I found you to be a difficult, belligerent asshole who did not know any better. I could never see you again in the same light as I saw you in the States.
Although we will never see or speak to each other again, my wish for you still is health, peace in your heart, happiness and to continue to learn, teach, grow and reach beyond your wildest dreams. I think we understand each other better now. No more problems – only solutions.
Unfortunately, the best part of our time together was when I walked away from you. It was both satisfying and unsatisfying at once. Satisfying because I never let anybody walk on me and you did deserve that. Unsatisfying because it is not what I anticipated and desired for a pleasant holiday. I do not expect you to apologize for this as I understand you do not have it in you to do this.
To any degree I may have clung on to you too much due to my breakup with Madeleine, I apologize. I do this publicly even though you refuse privately to acknowledge or apologize to me for the nasty way you turned against me upon my return to you from Denmark. It was a mistake to come back to you.
Remember to laugh, love, revel and be grateful for every day God gives us in this world.
This blog is a gift which can benefit all who read it.
Anke Schlingemann
Ulrichstraße 1
73760 Ostfildern
Telefon: 0711 / 34218610
Mobil: 0171 5200844
Anke Schlingemann
Sulzaer Str. 12
14199 Berlin
Tel: 030 / 83200720
anke. [email protected]
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