I am a 2008 high school graduate, and was on the prowl for work. I searched newspapers, signs on shop doors, anywhere I could for a job. Everything was looking weak, my chances of being employed this summer so I could have money for college were dimming, and I was beginning to fear the worst; I would soon start to resemble a slug, feeding on the couch, and growing a very deep relationship with my friends on "As the World Turns". That is, until I came across this:
"Everyone is getting laid off lately.
Good news is our company has been around for almost 100 years and has NEVER LAID OFF!!!
We are currently accepting applications for different positions:
Customer service, assembly, set-up/display, sales, management of sales.
Make $500/week with our program
Call today: 920-735-4915"
I was surfing my local Craig's List and woah! What an amazing ad! $500/week! This sounds great... I wonder what department I'll work for...
This ad, my friends, is for Kirby. I pulled this ad straight from today's listings, and you might be wondering why I posted the ad I didn't respond to. Well, it's because this isn't the only Kirby ad. After extensive research on Craig's List, I have noted that Kirby actually posts around 13 ads a day, all using different headings and catch lines. So, heads up.
Where shall I begin...
Well, I worked for Kirby for three days. Some might say that is clearly not enough time to develop such a hate for Kirby, but believe me, it is.
After reading such a spectacular ad, I called the phone number and was immediately scheduled for an interview. I went home, washed up, and put on my Sunday Best for this interview. I really wanted this job, it sounded like such a catch.
The interviewer, if you will, seemed more than pleasant. She told me I would be selling Kirbys, NOT door to door, strictly by appointment, I would be working Monday through Friday, and, seeing as the work day there began at 9:30, I would be done with work around 5:30- 6:00 each day. Makes sense. She told me since I would be getting paid about $400/week (already a difference between the ad and what was said), it would average out to $10/hour. I would also, along with my $400 per week, be making full commission for each vacuum sold and be earning hefty bonuses for different amounts of vacuums sold. Cool. This also made sense.
I left the initial interview absolutely overjoyed. This is exactly what I was looking for; great pay (for a student), good hours, a solid 40 hours per week, and, as I was told, absolutely NO door to door sales.
A few days later i was called again by one of the owners, Dee, and he asked if I could come in to talk a little. I came in and we chatted just a bit. He told basically the same schpeel the previous woman told me, except this time around I was told I would be working Monday through Friday, and MAYBE, if need ABSOLUTELY be, Saturday for a brief amount of time.
I could deal with that. I figured they would probably never ask a newbie to come in for Saturday's anyways. And off I went, just as completely happy and naive as I was before.
I began my training on a Wednesday, the 25th of June, and was very excited to begin my Kirby career. There were six of us to start, including myself, and we all eagerly watched our trainer give her own demo and were essentially told life is not worth living if one doesn't have a Kirby.
I asked our trainer, after our first session on Wednesday, to simply just go over the basics of the job for me again, the regular stuff like pay, hours, and all that jazz. Our trainer, a 22 year old college dropout who now bragged of her Kirby riches and sounded like Tila Tequila, simply brushed away my questions with pre-recorded answers such as "we'll discuss that later", "we'll talk about that tomorrow", or my favorite, blatant lies.
Round two; not as thrilled. Only five of us showed up on Thursday for training. This day we learned how to set-up displays, take down the Kirby, and all the good stuff in between like how to operate the Kirby, pull AT LEAST 150 dirt pads while vacuuming, and the skill to perpetually throw sales pitches into every sentence during our in-home demos. We were also told we needed a minimum of 56 in-home demonstrations per month, 14 demos per week, if we were to be paid $400 in that week. This, for some reason, wasn't disclosed to me before, but rather, I remember being told I would be paid $10 per hour. Hmmm...
Again, on Thursday, I asked a minimum of three times when the average work day ends, how much we get paid, if we get paid for training, and what days we work during the week. And again, I was refused answers.
Thursday was most exciting, I guess, because that is the day we were told to actually call and ask ten-fifteen people we know if we could do practice demos in their homes during Friday and the weekend. This was never mentioned before this point and I was agitated because I did not sign up for this job so I could solicit my family and friends. I went home that night and booked a whopping five appointments though, the absolute minimum, and called it good.
We would be paid $5 per demo that weekend. $10 per demo if we scheduled five or more on the first night. Each demo lasts at least 2 hours. This blows.
Friday: My Final Day. There were only three of us. This time we knew why the other two people left Kirby; it was found that one of the gentlemen who left just made up phone numbers and names on his practice demo sheet, and the other one was found to be a child molester. Who, the day before, kept asking me how old I was when we were partners during training... Yuck.
This is the day we were actually told the truth. I wasn't answered at all throughout the day, however, when I asked the same questions AGAIN, but the answers to my questions were revealed during the very last ten minutes of training on Friday. I would be working Monday through Saturday. No exceptions. I wanted to get paid, right? We would be selling door to door, with only a very, very few by appointment. This meant if I knocked on doors all day long and didn't get at least three people who didn't want to hear my two hour long speech on the wonders of a Kirby Vacuum, my $400 weekly paycheck would plummet to $0. I could get 54 of the 56 required demos in a month's time, yet still be paid absolutely nothing... I was not pleased.
I was also told when the average work day ends. Our trainer, who I now so affectionately refer to as Wench, had the balls to look me straight in the eyes, no flinching, and say the latest they "schedule appointments", or go door to door, is 9:00 PM. 9:00 PM!!! I could be working from 9:30 AM until 11:30 PM!!! That's fourteen hours! But, yes, she so kindly informed me that, after a few weeks of working for them, I wouldn't have to work that late because I would now be able to obtain earlier demo times. How nice.
As for training, we were thrown a sheet describing our pay for these three joyous days. We would be handsomely paid $50 after we sold three vacuums, another $50 after we sold six, and the final $50 would be given to us after we sold NINE vacuums. That could possibly never happen.
I wasn't pleased.
As for full commission being added to our base $400 pr week pay - that was a lie. And what about those handsome cash bonuses, you ask?
These $300, $400 bonuses now morphed into something different on paper. Our bonuses go as follows: sell 1st vacuum; get a closing book. 2nd vacuum; $50.3rd vacuum; Cell phone plus minutes (what?) 4th vacuum; IPOD (oooo...) 5th vacuum; FREE KIRBY! (my life would now be complete)
Oh, and by the way, after scheduling the minimum of five in-home demos for the weekend so I would get paid $10/ demo instead of only $5, that all of a sudden was different as well. We actually had to get 7 demos if we wanted to be paid for than $5/ demo, but yet, as with everything else, I was lied to.
I was yearning meaningful conversations and insight with my buddies in soap operas more than anything at this point.
Friday night, 5:30, my first demo.
I head over to my friend's house so I could give her and her mom my very first (and very last) Kirby demonstration. I must say it ran smoothly. For the most part... The only times which were ridiculous were when I had to call my manager and ask "to be signed up for employee of the month and register me for my free trip to TAN-TA-RA!!!" (all a lie. There was no employee of the month, and they spoke of a trip to Tan-Ta-Ra, but who knows if it actually existed. We were told to do this to try and "guilt the customers into buying a Kirby from you. After all, they want to help you win, don't they") Another part of the demo, which we were told to do, was have a "moment of silence for their old vacuums which were now dead in comparison to the Kirby". We were also encouraged to purchase our very own black sheet and plastic rose to cover the "dead" vacuum and intensify the moment, and also, if we thought appropriate, THROW the old vacuum OUT THE FRONT DOOR!!! This was nuts.
I finished the presentation and called the owner, Dee, for a third time. I told him I was done and all that jazz, but little did I know I was soon in store for a verbal battering. I was told these were strictly for practice, not to actually coerce my friend into buying a $2000 vacuum. I was on the phone with my manager for fifteen minutes; at first I went with him and simply asked if they wanted to buy a vacuum and what not, but as soon as I told him they weren't interested, he lost it. He was yelling at me on the phone, saying " I know who's team you're on now! I'm not stupid! I know how to sell a vacuum and apparently you don't! I know these are your family and friends, but I don't care, you should do all you can to sell them a vacuum!"... He took a two minute break in his rant to order, from what I could hear, a combo meal at some drive-thru..."That's ridiculous you're not even trying to sell them a vacuum. How you keep telling me they don't want one without even asking them..." the rant continued, and after my friend and her parents saying "no" to him at least eight times, the call was over.
I was furious.
I drove home, angry at the world, having the urge to drive the massive front end of my '94 Buick LeSabre right through the front of the Kirby office, get out, and punch a devastated Dee right in the jug.
How dare he.
I quit the next morning. I went in with my dad, who tossed my huge vacuum box and separate kit box onto the floor then went and stood in the corner just in case anything got out of hand. I told my trainer I wasn't going to work for them anymore and that i wanted my personal information back and a receipt for the stupid Kirby. I asked for this just in case they would try to do something with my info.in the future or, perhaps, try and blame me for not returning my vacuum. I don't want such a crooked, corrupt group of individuals to have any connection to me whatsoever.
Just an overview of what I was lied to аbout:
Pay
The hours I would be working each day
Which days I would be working
How I would be paid for training
I would be selling to only people who made appointments.
Full Commission
Large cash bonuses
I would be paid by the hour
What I would be paid for my own in-home demos that weekend
Employee of the month
Free trips
No pressure sales
No harsh badgering or by manager to get a sale
Everything possible
And that's that.
I worked for Kirby for three days. Was never paid a dime; not for training, not for my demo.
And it sucked.
Liz
Menasha, Wisconsin
U.S.A.
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