Just wanted to drop a line and come here and hopefully give you all some reading entertainment based on my experience at Quicken Loans. I am not here to sling shit, just writing about a few of the more funny experiences that I had in my year and a half with this company. It really is funny looking back on it...
Quicken Loans thinks that having tons of meetings is a good thing. I appreciate a good meeting, but they totally over did it. Their meetings were entirely too long and drawn out, and basically designed to reiderate power as well as "awareness" of who has it. Clap for some douche bag that I think is a weasel who has no balls and roots for the Pittsburgh Steelers? Come on, you have to be kidding me. Does JP put his pants on differently in the morning so much that I have to clap for him to speak to me at a fookin meeting? Come on. Ridiculous. JP is as weird of guy as one will ever meet. No class. Arrogant. Ignorant. All for himself. Thinks he is a factor, or even funnier, the reason. I can honestly sit here and say that he is by far the worst mananger, or leader, or boss, or whatever you want to call him, that I have ever worked for. No keuth. No sack. Little man syndrome. Full mane of hair one day, butch the next. I can go on, but why? If you are reading this and you know "Little Boy Wonder" you probably cant take too much more. Jerome Bettis thinks that JP went overboard. Dude, for real... A poster is fine... No need to frame my jock strap and hang it on your wall in your office... Said J-Bet. J-Bet thinks J-Mo is fat. J-Mo's wanna-be Mercedes is sweet. J-Mo added letters and numbers to the emblem on his little Civic of a Benzo to back up his hilarious lies of what his car actually is. J-Mo drives an itty-bitty benzo that costs 3 grand more then an Accord. Dont let that oversized loud mouth fool you. He is a poser and has no idea how to act or present himself in the real world. I wouldnt buy a cure for cancer from that guy... For my ailing relative. He is a joke... And he smells like shit 99% of the time. That boy stank. Book it. Believe it. I lived it. If you dont know J-Mo, he is the guy wearing the alleged 3000 dollar suit at the Gilbert awards that didnt quite have enough money to get the suit tailored (steppin on the back bottoms of the pants while walking in puddles and stuff). I wouldnt know, I left the Gilbert awards early and had to answer questions about why I left (I know, it was BAD. I LEFT THE GILBERTS!) I was obviously made aware of the importance of the the mighty GILBERT AWARDS and what my attendance meant to the company's well being. I had to fight back laughter when confronted and questioned about my reasoning for the leaving the STUPID event. I heard that the all important Gilbert award ceremony is being held on a roof top of an abandoned downtown Detroit building this year... Bring your jackets (chaquetas, for the spanish speaking bankers) and BYOB because I heard they were cutting back on work related events. See you all there... If you aint wearin white, you aint comin in. No wristband, no entry. No life, YOU ARE IN! That about sums it up. Do the right thing. Raise your level of awareness and drink this HGH infested slushie. We dont drug test here... Actually, you have to be on drugs to be one of us and maintain the ability to remain "bought in". You may not last. Snort this tidbit of info... If I rub and scratch my nose all day long, stretch my face muscles continuously to self-itch my nose, while around people, sniffle uncontrollably everyday because of good booger sugar... Then you will definitely be able to make double copies for us for many profitable years to come. Can somebody please tell me about the guy that started at Quicken as the copy guy? Or copy boy? I heard parts of the success story, but never the entire story. I do not want to fill in with what I think happened, I am looking for facts. Please help. The first coorect response will be able to come down to the "JP MART"... And you might even have the option to leave early on Friday, July 17th... But only if you are on pace... Or you can just go ahead and snare a pair of game socks that Ira Newble wore... Last time when he actually played. The socks are 3 years old by the way. Thats motivating. I must wrap this post up, I need to auto-in. WAIT, nevermind. I dont have to auto-in, I am not on the list of "special" bankers to be so fortunate. Hose bags! Keep feeding the bankers that blow you. Girls and guys. NEW ISM ALERTS..."Dont tell my wife, she wouldnt understand"..."Its not about the who, its all about you"..."If you are smarter then your boss, you work for a dumbass"..."3 billion people in China dont really care"..."1 billion people in China are still waiting for the refund for $500.00 to appear on their credit card statements, tell them to call A Orta"..."Dig deeper... You dont want anybody to smell your decomposing body in the shallow grave that you are digging for yourself"... Dig deep. "We will suck the life out of you so your wife cant or wont"..."All of the drugs here are prescribed. We have company doctors in Livonia and we just bought prescription.com from a few criminals who previously owned the domain and site. We basically can prescribe speed, coke, crack, crank, hash, acid, more speed, weed, hot women, barnyard animals, insects all over the floors in the restrooms, heroin, advil, flintstone vitamins, red bull, etc... To anybody who needs it"..."You will get the point once we decide which door we prefer that you exit"..."Huge overhead is nothing more than an extra large hat on your head if your head size is a small"... You all understand. I hope I didnt lose all of you along the way. I love to rant and express myself while I am in deep thought. 16 times out 17, people dont get it. 2 out 3 do. You do the math, and hopefully you make or have already made the right choice. I will have more future rants in soon... If you cant keep up, dont critisize. Its all good and I am just a squirrel trying to bust a nut. I want a rabbit... I hear that they can keep going... Drive it like you stole it.
Go Browns.
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