I have been an independant contractor in the entertainment business for 20 years. Most of my adult life was spent being on tour, or working wherever I could find work. I was lucky enough to land a contract with a solid tour that lasted for 13 years (not a usual scenario in this business). I was making low 6 figures, and everything was OK as long as my ex and I weren't in the same house (I was always gone). When we separated, I offered to pay the mortgage on our new house (which was $2500 per month), and then give her $1000 for bills. I asked her repeatedly to not get lawyers involved so we didn't waste money. This wasn't enough for her, so we went to court.
After many rounds and 4 lawyers later, the divorce was final. My support was based on the standard 29% of our combined income which was my tour salary, she was not employed. My salary was low six figures, (which is a somewhat inflated number) due to the nature of the business.
When the tour was slowing down and I could see an end in sight for my job, I took another open ended contract in the next state. The salary was lower but I thought would keep me around to see the kids more. We have now been back to court 3 or 4 times since then because my payments have not changed. I have asked repeatedly to have the numbers looked at, because I'm making $40K less than I was, and my ex is making $22K more than she was, all to no avail. I have been told repeatedly that "It was my choice to change jobs" and I should get my old one back. It doesn't work that way in this industry. I am now facing the fact that the court is going to take my driver's license because I am "4 months behind". The reality is that I have been paying as much as I can all along, but the extras that I can't get to keep adding up. Now my ex is going to take me back to court because of a spat we had over the weekend. All this while I am trying to pay last year's taxes, that I didn't pay in order to send as much support as I could. Seeing the kids didn't work out either as I can't take any time off or I will only get deeper in debt.
At 1 point, we even went back to court to force me to write 2 checks to support collection instead of 1, since "they can't process a check that big". My current job is hourly, some weeks better than others. If we base it on a standard week for me, I would make roughly $1200 BEFORE taxes. My support amount is $606.66 (nice number) and then I have babysitting on top of that at $150 per week. That leaves me with roughly $444 for the week. Did I mention that's before taxes? The IRS also is after me because I have spent everything I have trying to pay my support, and have sent them nothing. My ex continually complains because she doesn't have enough money.in reality she has more money going through her account than she did when we were married. She was always horrible with cash flow (sinking my credit down to a 460) so I'm not surprised. "I almost had to apply for food stamps" is one of her common lines only to make me feel like crap. The kids don't call me (we have 3) even though they have cell phones of their own, and they almost never answer me back. My ex has planted the "your father has a new family now" seed in their heads and that comes up all the time.
I am in a new relationship, and my fiancee is amazing. She was thrown into this situation, but keeps forging ahead every day. We are fully of the belief that my children should be taken care of, and I will never stop doing that. Nobody wants to make the arrears go away more than I do. I do think something needs to change in the system as I feel my story shows. Trying to do the right thing has only led me to be thought of as a "deadbeat dad", as one of my lawyers had pointed out to me.
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