For those of you thinking about adoption please learn from our sad experience. We had a horrible experience with Heart to Heart Adoption Agency based out of Sandy, Utah. (http://www.hearttoheartadoptions.net) We thought we were hiring a professional but that wasn't the case. We paid over $25,000 $6000 more for travel and attorney expenses and the agency never showed to the adoption. Their response was because the case worker was scared of flying?
Heart to Heart felt that communicating with us and the birth mother through text and phone calls was sufficient. We never once had a face to face conversation with the agency until after we came home from this mess. Ultimately the mother decided to keep the child. With adoption you can never put 100% of the blame on someone but we put a considerable percentage on Heart to Heart Adoption Agency. The worst part is they want to keep our $25,000. They said they will use it for another adoption.
Questions:
Why would I go through this emotional drama again and be forced to use this same company?
How much work did they actually do when I had to pay for a local attorney in Indiana, FBI Finger Printing, travel expenses and more? (So they think just because they put us in contact with a birth mother in Indiana that justifies $25,000?)
The Abbreviate Version of the Story:
A few months ago we were matched with a birth mother in Fort Wayne, Indiana. It was beautiful. The birth mother knew we were the family for her child. We as the adoptive family also knew with a powerful spiritual conviction that this was the right thing. Over the next few months doors were miraculously opened to make this adoption possible. Some can call it coincidence we call it divine intervention. Again we weren't fanatic about the idea of adoption things just fell into place.
How Heart to Heart is set up is they have a case worker for us as the adoptive parents and a case worker for the birth mother. We spoke occasionally to the birth mother by way of monitored phone calls by the agency. Plus we spoke a few times individually with our case worker (Cindy) leading up to our adoption. (We didn't mind the minimal conversations because we just anticipated them doing their job.) I do know that the case worker (Debbie) did have day to day conversations with the birth mom (Angel). That was great because if anyone needed help and encouragement it would be the birth mom.
Time continued and the agency just was not on the ball. For example, my wife found out Indiana required FBI fingerprinting done on us before the baby could leave the state. The problem it took 4-5 weeks to have that finished. So we paid for it and got it done. Then about a week later Cindy from Heart to Heart called us in a mad panic saying we needed to get our fingerprinting done. My wife said we already did it. Ultimately, things like this happened all the time. You think if you are hiring a professional agency they would help us do these things. (Guess you have to pay a little more money.)
So we fly to Fort Wayne, Indiana. We went to lunch and meet with Angel (birth mother) and her mother the day before she was to have the baby. Things were beautiful. That spiritual feeling and love was there. Angel told us she was so excited to be able to finally meet Debbie (case worker). She said it was going to be like Christmas. She told us how she knew that God wanted this child to come to our family. We were both excited as birth mother and birth parents.
The next day we went to the hospital were Angel was to be induced. Angel told us that Debbie was not coming. She said she tried to get on a plane but things happened and she is scared of flying. Angel was very sad.
We immediately got on the phone and told Cindy they needed to get up here for support. Not for us but for the birth mother. She said that she tried but the plane had engine problems.
The baby was born and my wife was in the room with the little girl was born. I can't tell you how precious that little baby girl was to hold her in our arms. Angel continued referred to us as the parents. The feeling of love was strong during that experience. Angel encouraged us to hold the baby and it was beautiful.
Now we had set up with a local Indiana attorney office to sign papers 24hrs after the baby was born. Now the lady in charge of the signing was someone Heart to Heart set up for us. The only thing the lady doing the signing was a little rough around the edges. She tried but did act like it was a business transition. Ultimately, Angel (birth mother) didn't like her.
A ton of events happened but to make a long story short. We called Heart to Heart multiple times saying that Angel needed some support. Right before the 24hr deadline my wife and I drove home and both had the feeling that this was not going to happen. Angel was devastated that Debbie here true trusting friend never showed up. I can totally see this from her perspective. She makes a great friend. The friend asks her to make one of the biggest decisions of her life. The friend who she has never met face to face says she will be there. The friend never shows. Says she had plane trouble and is scared of flying.
Another tid-bit of information We came to find out a few hours later that the reason why Debbie couldn't be there is she flew to Atlanta to handle two other adoptions! Now you have a friend lying to you. A friend asking you to make a huge decision, lying and never showed up. OK WHO IS PISSED OFF!
The next morning Angel told us with tears in her eyes that she couldn't do it. She said she knew God wanted her to give the baby girl to us but she couldn't do it.
We were devastated.
We cried.
Try telling your little 4 year old daughter who is excited as can be to have a new baby sister that it wasn't going to happen. It was very sad.
As we waited for a couple days to fly out of town we spoke with Angel on a number of occasions. We told her we weren't mad we just wanted what was best for the child. Each time she cried and told us she had made the wrong decision but couldn't do it. HELLO!!! This is why i hired an adoption agency! We tried to tell her the best we could our feeling about the situation. To be honest, Angel was in a very poor financial situation.in fact, the day she had the baby the family she lived with were also moving from a house they were kicked out of. No job. Not enough room for the child. It was very, very sad.
On the day before we left town Angel and her mother drove to our hotel. My wife met with them as a form of closure. As they walked in Angle cried and again said she knows she made the wrong choice. Angel then stepped way to the restroom. As my wife and Angels mother sat there the mother said you know what I had no idea. I left the hospital and everything was moving forward with the adoption. I leave to go move out of our house and things changed. She continued, the real reason this didn't happen was the Debbie (case worker) from the adoption agency didn't show up. Wow! We had not said one word of our feelings to the birth mother and the family. For them to have the exact same feelings says it all.
We'll we are home now and have had a number of phone conversations with the adoption agency. We have act on multiple occasions to have a meeting with Debbie (birth mother case worker), Cindy (our case worker) and Debra (Heart to Heart director). My wife and I want everyone in the same room so none of this he said, she said. Funny thing. They keep pushing the meeting off.
The cost of $5000 travel expenses for the attorney's office in Indiana is gone. I will try and get some of the money back there. Now I have to deal with the $25,000 that Heart to Heart received. Who they are most liekly going to say we will help with another adoption. The thing is why would I use this agency again? And the cost for adoption is so subjective they are going to charge me more money to do another adoption.
I will be contacting the Utah State Board of Adoption Licensing. The Utah State Bar, Better Business Beareau and other media agencies.
To tell you the truth we just want closure. We want for the right thing to happen. We hate the road of arbitration. Yet at the same time I pray that no one has this hard of a time with an adoption agency.
We have such a sour taste in our mouth now about adoption that I don't think we could ever do this again. We have a huge hole in our heart and now a huge hole in our pocket book. All we wanted was to fulfill that need of bringing a loving child to our family.
I'll keep you updated on what happens.
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