Having smoked pot in my younger years but now a more law-abiding citizen, I was curious about the "legal bud" I heard about on the 'net. I did some research, came to believe there might be something to it, and decided to order some. I came across Herbal Smoke Shop and after browsing their site decided to place an order. After all, wouldn't you be intrigued by this description of "Hawaiian Gold Bud"?
(copied directly from their website)
"Over 100 lbs flown in FRESH from the island of Hawaii every month! Seen in our High Times Magazine ad and voted the world's best 100% legal smokes by top smoking magazine readers 7 years in a row for it's extremely POTENT smoke and uncanny smell & appearance. Freshly Picked and bagged directly from our 2000 acre reserve in Hawaii! Unlike any other herbal bud available today, the smoke is ultra potent, and very fresh. Tastes great and purchased by thousands of satisfied repeat customers, making this one of our top herbal smokes and the #1 selling legal bud in the world! Hawaiian Gold is all bud and always Ultra Fresh. Hawaiian Gold Buds burn smooth in a pipe, or rolled with paper or smoked in your favorite smoking device. Herbal Smoke Rating: Incredibly enjoyable, substantially potent smoke, that is extremely satisfying. The world's best legal herbal bud, period. Only available at Herbalsmokeshop.com!"
I placed an order for their Super Bud Sampler Pack. Everything seemed on the up and up. Being that I'm in Virginia and the company was in New Jersey I thought "wow, I should get this stuff pretty quick." However, I took a look at my credit card statement about a week after I ordered and didn't see a charge. Huh? I went to the site and sent them a letter through their contact form. I know others claim they don't answer their e-mails, but I was pleasantly surprised when a profusely apologetic reply appeared about two hours later. "There was a problem processing your card, everything's fine now and will be shipped first thing tomorrow morning." Sure enough, the UPS tracking number showed up in my e-mail the next day and the charge showed on my card. Only one problem—it wasn't activated. I sent an e-mail about that and again a quick response, "it's been shipped, you'll receive it on Friday" (this was Wednesday). So Friday came... And still the number wasn't activated. I sent yet another e-mail, inquiring about whether or not another tracking number was used. Another quick reply, but with only the same tracking number in the body, no apologies like before. I put it in UPS' site—and found out the package had started its run through UPS shortly after the time I sent the e-mail. Ooookay, then. "Well, at least it's on its way, " I thought.
The package arrived Monday, nearly two weeks after I'd placed the order. Some of the "testimonials" on the site claimed that European and West Coast customers got their stuff in less than a week. That part of New Jersey is about a four-hour drive from me, so the delay in shipping should have been my first clue. But never mind, here it was. I wasted no time in opening the package. Everything was in a plastic UPS shipping bag crammed into a tiny white box, but when I took out the sampler I had to admit that I was impressed by the amounts of plant matter in the bags. Of course, the first one I had to try was the Hawaiian Gold Bud, so I packed a bowl, smoked it, and waited. And waited. And waited. It did kind of smell and taste like pot, and while I wasn't expecting a pot-like high I was expecting SOMETHING to happen. But nothing. I went to bed and woke up the next day with an absolutely horrible-tasting mouth, a sore throat and a sore chest. I brushed my teeth three times and gargled with Listerine, but it still didn't get rid of that awful taste. "Well, four other kinds of bud came in the order, " I thought. "Maybe that one just wasn't for me." And so for the next four days I packed a bowl of each of the others and smoked it.
Tried the Blueberry Hybrid. That one gave me a small buzz, but only for maybe ten minutes or so. Also smelled nice in the package, but stunk everything up when smoked.
Tried the Dutch Haze. Nearly gagged on the smoke; it was like inhaling industrial fumes. Gave me a HUGE headache.
Tried the Maui Hybrid. Smelled like cheap perfume and tasted worse.
Tried the Wild Greens. Recalled when I was a young and stupid stoner and got sold oregano instead of pot.
And the horrible mouth taste, sore throat and sore chest continued, not to mention coughing (I quit smoking cigarettes nine years ago but have smoked pot occasionally since then).
In short, as Public Enemy once said "don't believe the hype." Perhaps they rely on Tinkerbell psychology to make their claims—"if we say it's gonna get 'em high and they believe it strongly enough, it will!" This company knows very well that the people who order from them are looking to get high. They are not looking for a "relaxing smoking experience, " they want to get stoned. It was my own fault for not checking more closely, so let my story serve as a warning to others who might think of ordering from Global Life Enhancement and its many alias. Just because they advertise in "High Times" doesn't mean they're not a rip-off.
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