I guess the main thing was about him... He let his kids go to hell and let me deal with everything alone. Now he is being blamed by... And I use this very jokingly... His new wife for the death of her own child. I am mixed how to feel about this... Yes it was his gun... Loaded and out around a mentally ill girl. Mixed because his real son tried to kill himself... Huffing spray and he didn't come home from work that day.
His games and his women always came first. I guess as his life goes on... Games are still there... Dressing as a soldier and playing civil war became more real to him. From what I hear now this marriage is doomed and ending. Just as I was made to learn from him... Needs of a woman's are never heard. Life is just served out to serve and carry on. Happiness or dreams remain unlived.
Happiness? What would this be like to have it for real? To have someone who really wanted this with a good woman?
Even sex is used as something to control. Lies are even told about what this is. It starts out as something you give all your being to... To have a man who needs control say no to this. You give and give... To end up alone... Totally. Longing for something he said was yours and yours only... To be shared with anyone... Online and off. Denied closeness you once had... Feeeling so alone you feel dead inside. So you end up... Just feeling as a loser. So hard to over come this. Desperately wanting real love... Compassion... Kindness you truly deserved.
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