Gu gu gu!
This is Deputy Rosco Pe-co Train reporting to you live in Spencerport NY, where them Smith girls have gotten themselves into another fine mess!
It seems a picture is worth a 1,000 words, and town
drunk/bar fly is what it spells out for Tanya (1,000 - 15 ='s 985 word left—GU GU GU - I'm a Math a ma tician!). Any local in Spencer county would testify on Boss Hogs bible (which ain't nothin but a old Penthouse with the pages all stuck together. Now don't go blaming Rosco; it was them Duke boys, I tell ya!) that Tanya is one of the biggest hogs in the 14559, if I do say so myself! Give her 15 shots and a case of Genny, and that girl will squeal like a pig and suck a bowling ball through a straw!
Now I never did have enough $ for her powder head sister; Boss Hog never did give me that raise. If I did boy, I would tie her to the bed post and make her call me "COUSIN ROSCO"! Yes sir ree. She is getting a little busted now, seeins how she has a baby in the oven. Yeah pregnanticity will make the cutes girlies ol and raggety before their time. Word has it that the child might be a little slow; since screwing your cousin ain't the best way to have a child with all it's faculties-ab e d a be d - I'm means that kid might have a few extra toes, or sumptin; I ain't no scientist. So who's to say?
All I know is I ain't never screwed my cousin; and I did not know Ellie May was my sister till she showed me her birth mark, by then I had done the deed. And besides, we used protection. I had me some pigs intestine handy. I tied the end off; it was just like them lambskin condoms. YES SIR REE! Old Rosco ain't having no retarded offspring! I passed the sixth grade with flying colors; even learned how to count to ten!
The next time your in Spencerport, go down to Ziggy's. I bet you will find one of them there girls sucking down a shot, and looking for some sugar!
Them two have a sister, named Amy. She ain't the sharpest tool in the shed, but she ain't not slut. I tell you! She is a cross between "Rain Girl", "Daisy Duke", and an amazon woman. She don't like boys very much; word has it she's a fur trader! I can't blame her; them two sisters of hers have every guy thinking that the Smith girls are one night pump and dumps. She was "guilty by AS*ociation"! Besides, she can't help it if she got the "Looks genes" and no brains to go with it.
She thought god was saying "Amy, get the trains; you need a train" She said "Lord, I heard them trains are noisy, and dangerousI'm staying off the train" (She was having a hard time hearing with her two sisters moaning like whores in heat)!! Boy oh boy, you just can't win...
Well, I'm off to fight crime. Do me a favor an stay away from them Smith girls they a case of crabs, or a stint in rehab in the making!!
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