I was recently contacted via US Mail by a John Finn about a secret society that thought that I was TALENTED and GIFTED enough to join! Whoohoo! I was in a fraternity once, but this must be WAAAAY better!
So I read my entire 8 pages of BS, word for word.
It starts out saying that I was hand chosen to join a secret society of individuals who all share common traits. Oh yes, they're all HUGE names, but can't be divulged to me because of the "secret" connotation in "secret society".
The only difference between me and them is that I haven't yet been let in on a little secret, that is supposedly kept in a book, which I can receive FREE because I am oh-so gifted.
As I read, I'm told of how I can make more money in one week than most people make in a year! Astounding! If only my father possessed the same traits as me, I wouldn't ever have to worry about money (as I'm sure the society would have discovered him as well). I keep reading on and on about how I can develop the best love life ever and be astronomically wealthy and successful. They reassure me that I have been researched and hand selected by the current "big names" of the society.
Pause for one second, John: If I was researched so thoroughly, wouldn't you know that I have been happily married for a year now? Would you not also find that we are financially stable and very pleased with the life we've made? Should have done some more research with all those "gifts" you possess Johnny boy. Out of all the suckers out there, you picked a smart one to mess with.
Back to ranch;
After reading the BS that John has now graced my paper shredder with, I am told that I have to act by Friday (the 6th) to get this FREE BOOK on how I can blah blah blah... Another flaw in your research on me: I was out of town when I received the mailing and wasn't here to read it until the 12th! Oh no!!! I've missed my deadline!
I guess I'll never be as successful and powerful and rich and handsome and well-known as you, John.
However, if John Finn would like to join MY secret society, please contact me (you have my info, obviously). We have been around for years and we are VERY good at ratting out idiots like you. I can't tell you who is in the society, but I can tell you that all of it's members are currently smarter than you. That is, until you get our book...
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