Smashburger gave me food poisoning.
E. Coli the worst kind of all, the super-strength hard-to-cure kind.
I used to like eating at Smashburger.
Heck, I used to love Smashburger.
E. Coli loves Smashburger too.
I have been tied to my toilet for several days now. Both ends of me have done their best to protest, in projectile fashion, the poisonous Smashburger I ingested.
I got food poisoning from Smashburger and the worst kind, the resistant-to-treatment kind, that means I now have a hefty hospital bill and am on a "watch list" for "new and scary diseases."
E. Coli is incredibly dangerous, but fairly easy to prevent. All it takes is basic restaurant safety.
Basic restaurant safety is absent at Smashburger.
I know for a fact it was Smashburger that made me sick.
Other than frozen veggies and protein shakes from my own kitchen, it's all I've eaten so I can rule out everything else. E. Coli is closely linked with ground beef but I can't resist a smashburger fried in butter (actually, a trans fat butter-based derivative) Yes, I've been doing the fitness and health thing, and chose for my weekly treat a Smashburger.
The fake-friendly folks at Smashburger clicked "Record this conversation so we can avert our liability" when I called; we discussed matters briefly and now the "Corporate Legal Team" will be "getting back to me." presumably to attempt to get me to say some small utterance which will absolve them of any and all liability.
May I please just have my bowels back?
My gastrointestinal system... It's quite sore at the moment, but I managed to crawl to my laptop and research the corporate background. Smashburger is really Quiznos which is a whole research area in itself. A franchise that has driven people to suicide is pretty amazing. At this moment, I wish I were dead, I'm so sick.
Their corporate counsel John M Moore is the attorney behind Will Hoover 99 year sentence in prison for white collar crime. He gets them off the hook for all the class action lawsuits and sets up the Costa Rica Resorts which seem to be a tax write-off... Maybe this e Coli is a Costa Rica variety, like certain penicillan-resistant strains of bacterium from Far Eastern vacation destinations?
Shady, scary, sick, please be careful.
There used to be diet pills for sale which contained tapeworms, I read once. Corporate greed is scary stuff.
I have to go but please be cautious, don't eat here, there are no cameras in their kitchens, my ex works in law enforcement and I know what no kitchen cameras means, attorneys can't subpoena video of cooks using spatulas as flyswatters. Never, ever eat at a chain which doesn't have video in all of their kitchens, it means they're hiding liability.
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