I have kept it to myself long enough.
The world needs me to write some Gym Mens Locker Room Etiquette rules. I cant stand to see another skid line, inside out underwear, dropped dime on a chair, hairy crotch, stinky sneaker or wet towel on my locker bench.
Enough.
Guys, fellas, dudes. Attention please. If you are not a team, school or professional athlete these locker rules are for you.
1. When you are in the locker room it is not your locker room. You are not an NBA star holding court in a double wide corner stall. Get dressed or undressed and be done with it.
2. You do not have the physique you think you have. No posing. And please, dont stand around in front of the mirror with your t shirt on and with nothing on the bottom. I am sure many of you have seen this and are equally baffled. If you are the culprit we all think you are a total douche. Put your junk away. No pun intended.
3. You do not have the right to throw around your shoes, clothes, underwear, towels, socks, bags or other crap while you prance off to take a shower, chat on your phone, or otherwise act like your locker stall area is yours alone. If you have not deduced yet, each locker has about ¼ inch between them so space is at a premium. Clean up your stuff when you walk away to do something or you might find a yard sale when you return.
4. I am not gay and support you if you are but i dont want to have to squeeze by your nakedness. If you are not in fact gay and enjoy this level of proximity you might need to reconsider. The joke here of course is that most gay men also don’t want to have to shoe horn by. Move the hell out of the way when someone else needs to get to their locker.
5. If you need to speak to your buddy or chat up your neighbor keep it light and quiet. The entire locker room really does not care about your obvious exaggerations or world views while they dress. The locker room is all business, not a players lounge.
Please, start adhering to these rules. You will be making many other suffering locker mates happy and might yourself enjoy the new atmosphere you helped create. Ignore these rules at your own risk because the guy next to you is likely simmering and you are going to look mighty silly getting your comeuppance half naked the wrong way.
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